


Letting Go

by Fenchurch87



Series: The Way of the Warden [4]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Gen, Kinloch Hold
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 14:44:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15366909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fenchurch87/pseuds/Fenchurch87
Summary: Solona Amell tries to come to terms with Uldred's rebellion and the aftermath. Originally written in response to a writing prompt on /r/dragonage.





	Letting Go

Solona strapped her staff onto her back and surveyed the devastation around her. The Harrowing Chamber had become a killing field. Uldred's body lay near the centre of the room, but there were so many others. Some of them had been her teachers, her friends. And she had killed them all.

First Enchanter Irving stood by the door, surrounded by the few mages who had escaped Uldred's corruption. He inclined his head respectfully as she approached. “Well done, Solona – excuse me, Warden Amell. I always knew you were capable of great things, but you proved it today.”

The First Enchanter's praise made Solona extremely uncomfortable. She didn't feel like she'd accomplished something great. Weren't great achievements always followed by celebrations? She didn't feel like celebrating. She wanted to curl up in a corner and cry. She fought to remain calm as Irving continued. “Shall we go downstairs? We need to discuss the treaty.”

Solona nodded, not quite trusting herself to speak at the moment. As she followed Irving down the winding staircase she felt someone gently touch her arm, and looked around to see Wynne gazing at her with concern. “Are you alright, my dear?” the older woman asked, softly enough that Irving and their other companions wouldn't be able to hear. “It's been a tough day, hasn't it?”

 _That's one way of putting it_ , Solona thought, but she couldn't bring herself to snap at Wynne. The Senior Enchanter had known her since she was five years old and seemed to genuinely care about her. Wynne was one of the few people she felt she could be completely open with. “It was always just darkspawn before,” she replied, keeping her voice low. She wasn't too worried about Alistair or Leliana overhearing this, but she was wary of showing any sign of weakness in front of Sten and Morrigan. “But today it was people. People I knew. How can I carry on after that?”

Wynne nodded sympathetically. “It's difficult, my dear. I'm not going to tell you that it will get easier, because it won't. But you are a Grey Warden now, and that means doing what must be done to save Ferelden from the Blight. Even if that means making difficult or unpleasant choices.” Wynne's eyes looked straight into hers, and for a moment Solona felt as though the Senior Enchanter was staring into her soul and weighing everything she found there. “I know you didn't ask for this responsibility, but it's yours now. And you can handle it. You wouldn't even have made it this far as a Warden if you couldn't.”

“Thank you.” Solona wasn't exactly comforted by Wynne's words, but she felt stronger now. Strong enough to keep going for a little longer at least. _I will see this through. I will stop this Blight._ The words repeated themselves in her head, fortifying her as she continued down the stairs.

As she reached the lower floor of the tower, she noticed Cullen standing to one side talking to Knight-Commander Greagoir. _Cullen._ The man had made her feel nothing but confusion ever since he had first arrived at the Tower. The confusion had only worsened after the things he'd said earlier, when they had found him trapped inside the magical prison. _It is out of the question_ , she told herself firmly, _even if I wanted–_ Her thoughts stopped abruptly. What did she want? She realised she didn't know. She continued walking towards the two Templars, her mind racing. And then she was close enough to hear what Cullen was saying, and suddenly all her confusion was forgotten.

“...the risks of corruption are too great, Commander. I think it would be best to kill them all. It's the only way to–”

“You think _what?!_ ” The words were out of Solona's mouth before she'd had time to think. She was aware of silence falling in the room and everyone stopping to stare at her. “I have seen enough of my friends lose their lives today. I had to kill some of them myself. And now you would kill even more? For no reason?”

“Solona, you have to understand.” Cullen was shocked by her outburst, she could tell. He had just stood there looking at her for a few seconds, trying to speak, but every time he opened his mouth no sound would come out. In a different situation she might have found that endearing. But not now. _Never again._ “Some of the survivors could still be abominations or blood mages. And we have no idea who, or how many. It's safer this way. You must see that.”

“Nobody else dies today!” Grief and anger welled up inside Solona until it was all she could do not to scream. She felt tears forming, and hurriedly blinked them away. She would not cry in public. Morrigan would have a field day with that. “You have no proof that any of the surviving mages are dangerous, and I will not allow them to be slaughtered by a paranoid little jackass who fancies himself a hero because the Chantry lets him run around with a sword!” Cullen was staring at her with an incredibly hurt look on his face, but it barely registered. She was too far gone to stop now. “I– I thought you were different. You were kind to me. To all of us. I thought you might actually see us as people. But I was wrong, wasn't I? You're just like all the others. You look at me and you see a monster to be imprisoned. Or killed. I was such a fool to ever think–”

“Enough!” Knight-Commander Greagoir barely raised his voice, but there was enough authority in that one word to make everyone turn to face him. “I will defer to the First Enchanter in this matter. Irving, do you believe the surviving mages are safe?”

“I do, Commander. There are no signs of blood magic or possession, and I see no need for further precautions.”

Greagoir nodded. “Very well, then. The mages will be spared.”

“But Commander,” Cullen's protest was loud and immediate. “The First Enchanter is a mage himself. How can we trust his word?”

“My decision is final, Cullen, and it is not your place to question it. Return to your quarters. I will send for you later.”

Cullen's gaze rested on Solona. She had never seen such hostility in his eyes before, and it frightened her. “You may have doomed us all,” he said, his voice dripping with venom, before he finally stalked away.

Once she knew that the mages were safe, Solona's anger drained away. Now she just felt tired to her very bones. _This is only the beginning_ , she reminded herself. Who knew what challenges lay ahead of her? But she would face them, because it was her duty to Ferelden. Maybe even to the whole of Thedas. In that moment, Solona let go of the person she had once been. It was time to leave her old life behind – Cullen, Jowan, the gossiping in the apprentice quarters, the chats in Irving's study, all of it. She was Solona the Circle mage no longer. She was a Grey Warden. And she had a Blight to stop.

 


End file.
